Jake’s Life

Our View On Superior, a blog by two partners in Minnesota, posted an entry this morning titled Do I Look Dumb. In it, Warren (the blog is authored by Steve and Warren, but through the powers of deduction I read that Steve was in the shower) recounts a conversation with an employee of his regarding a friend who lied to him, then goes on to briefly explain lying itself. It’s a good read and gets you thinking, so check it out, because I’m going to reference and expand upon it here.

As people, we start lying at around age 4 to 5 when we as children gain an awareness of the use and power of language.
This first lying is not malicious, but rather to find out, or test, what can be manipulated in our childhood environment.
Eventually kids begin to use lying to get out of trouble or get something they want. White lies, those concocted to protect someone’s feelings, are not a big deal at all. The person, however, who seems to feel compelled to lie about both the small and large stuff has a problem.
…
Quite often the person who has been deceived knows that this type of liar has to a certain extent deluded him and is therefore to be somewhat pitied.

That was a quote from the blog entry, and should definitely strike a nerve in each of us as being true. We’ve all lied, and it’s a part of our natural development as a human being in using our language to communicate with others. A lie is an act of deception (the umbrella term that covers lying and many other verbal and nonverbal ways of deceiving others) and there are many forms a lie can take such as a bluff, an omission, the lies we tell to children (”Santa Claus is real,” “The stork brought you”), the almost laughable bold-faced lie that all those present usually recognize is a lie but the liar makes no effort to hide it (My mom once asked if I had gotten into the Oreos when I was a kid, and despite the tell-tale chocolate dust all over my mouth and teeth I said no), and several other types of lies.

I’m sure we all have tales of childhood lies that we can recount in a way that we all laugh about it and see the valuable lesson learned. I am also sure that we all have more recent stories of those who have not learned from lies and consistently tell them to others. As Warren states in his post, a certain amount of pity is usually shed onto these people because often times people just can’t imagine living a life that is based on lies, constantly covering your own tracks with the people you know, and short of updating a diagram of your web of lies losing track of them and having to scramble to cover them back up again. Augustine of Hippo, in his 395 AD work titled “Of Lying,” separates lies into eight tiers, the top being the worst sort:

1. Lies in religious teaching.
2. Lies that harm others and help no one.
3. Lies that harm others and help someone.
4. Lies told for the pleasure of lying.
5. Lies told to “please others in smooth discourse.”
6. Lies that harm no one and that help someone.
7. Lies that harm no one and that save someone’s life.
8. Lies that harm no one and that save someone’s “purity.”

Why do people lie? As Warren said this begins between the age of 4 and 5 years old, and is tied to the Machiavellian intelligence (the capacity of an entity to be in a successful political engagement with social groups) stage of cognitive development. It is during this stage that the child realizes the difference between its own beliefs and the beliefs of others, and begins learning from experience that lying can help them avoid punishment. Because they lack the ability to discern what is and is not believable they often tell fantastic stories, just like Terry from Reno 911! They also lack the moral understanding to realize that what they are doing is wrong.

Humans are not the only weavers of deceit, as animals often do it too. Various animals have the physiological ability to blend into their surroundings to avoid detection either as a predator or as prey. Many instances of this in the animal kingdom is innate and part of their natural evolution, however some examples in higher creatures are obviously reasoned. This brings up another question in my mind, and can be answered either way with sustainable proof but for the sake of argument, when humans lie to achieve goals in Augustine’s taxonomy of lies, is it due to a conscious effort on the part of the liar, by seeing what they can or cannot achieve based on the lie versus the truth, or is it compulsive and unconscious?

Pseudologia fantastica and mythomania. No, they’re not spells from Harry Potter, but two of many clinical names given by psychiatrists to the condition of pathological lying. The characteristics are:

1. The lie is not completely improbable, but based on some sort of truth.
2. The lies are in depth and continue over time.
3. The lies are told for psychological reasons rather than gain on behalf of the liar (to avoid punishment, avoid being thought of in a negative light).
4. The lies are not delusional (meaning that upon confrontation the person is aware that they are lying whether they admit it to others or not).

How do you pick up on these sorts of things? Everybody knows that nonverbal cues are sent out when someone lies, generally speaking. The initiator of the lie is usually not aware of their own cues unless they really look at them, but even then I think it’s impossible that they would be able to pick out all of them. The mind has so much control over the body, and if the person is in a mental capacity to know what is right and wrong it can be said that the mind rebels against them using their own body as a tool. Of course, for those rare types who can lie and lie and lie and not show a thing, that is an example of someone who could likely be diagnosed with some sort of disorder. But for general purposes, various clues can include posture, breathing, perspiration, vocal frequency and amplitude, eye movement, pulse rate, facial contortions and other movements, and duration between syllables. A general belief in law enforcement and science is that eye movement is critical when speaking with someone. The thought is that looking up and to the left is truth, up and to the right is dishonestly, and has to do with which side of the brain the subject is currently using to answer the question. Many people only look at eye contact and hand gestures/body posture. Just because someone’s arms are crossed and they are looking a certain direction while talking doesn’t definitively mean they are lying, and if you think about it eye contact and posture are two very easily controlled aspects in most people. The same goes for speech rate and the “crossing the arms” cue. Look deeper.

I called in sick to work on Sunday night because I wasn’t feeling well enough to go in. Then I had Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights off as usual. Looking back on it now with having to go in tonight I’m kind of wondering where my time went. I did sleep a lot, but I also got a lot of stuff done. I spent time with Sandro, I met with a few people regarding the issues going on at work, got some bills taken care of, but that’s about it.

Oh, and I also began to Flyff again.

Recently I took a CCI test for a local Sheriffs Office. The test itself is simple, it gives you three pages of sixteen boxes, each box with four words in it. You choose two words from each box and you’re encouraged to do so within a few seconds for each box. Going through them, some boxes have similar words, some have strongly conflicting words, and some have words that I can only best describe as being labels for different thoughts in the same process.

I have to say, while reading the results I have never been able to articulate not only my professional work style, but also my personality style. This test has hit me just about spot on, and hopefully it helps me realize a few other things and ways to improve them and mesh well with other personalities.

To describe your unique recipe of Core Capacities, we use a set of four metaphors that correspond to the following foundational Core Capacities:

These metaphors serve as a language to help us describe the characteristics of each Core Capacity. Arranged in a quadrant configuration, the scores in each quadrant give you a quick ’snapshot’ of your Core Capacities:

Your Personal Core Capacities IndexTM Snapshot

Your scores indicate you have Banker/Innovator tendencies.
Your Banker capacities are balanced by your Innovator secondary capacity set. Your actions are routinely, almost equally, guided by these two capacity sets. In times of distress you will usually rely on the conflict strategies of your dominant capacity set. In less critical conflicts you may use either strategy given the situation.
Your unique dominant Banker Capacity Set causes you to rely on the following strategies for success and fulfillment:
Your cornerstone core capacity is Knowledge, supported by your strong desire to create Justice in the world.
Zero wasted motion, zero wasted resources, zero wasted effort; This is what you strive for. Effective decisions are supported by analysis of similarities and differences. You care deeply when situations or the behaviors of people are unfair, or when your knowledge is used incorrectly by others. Your knowledge is generally available to others. You like to provide others with proven ideas and methodology. You like to be the one who knows; being right and being able to prove it is important to you. You believe people should obey the law and stay within social convention.

It is important to reduce possible risks by questioning decisions and plans. Having all of the information is important to you, even the small things. You believe in measurement and in the presentation of measurement and data as an effective leadership tool. When things get messy, you may get testy. Creation without effective written plans and process description is senseless. Knowing the past provides evidence for the future. You enjoy being the source of information and proven methodology.

Once started, you don’t give up easily. The reliability of your words and actions is critical to your sense of self respect. You like steady, solid situations with limited change. Building protection against possible risk comes naturally. You do what you say you will do. Having the right information is important to you. You like to follow a prescribed course, especially when you are involved with setting the course.

You like to act in accordance with specific knowledge and historic evidence.

Your unique secondary Innovator Capacity Set supports your dominant Banker Capacity Set.
Your cornerstone core capacity is Wisdom. Understanding and compassion are central to your life strategy.
You pride yourself in seeing and understanding people and situations. If different things can be brought together from different resources, you will do it. You strive to cause people and things to function well together. You enjoy helping people and things work well and consistently together. You never quit. People look to you for the creation and improvement of work flow and procedures. You have wit and creativity in your thinking.

Development of effective responses to situations is one of your primary contributions. To invent new systems, processes and things is pure pleasure. Your willingness to see things through and wait things out is a primary asset. You like to communicate with visuals and descriptions. Finding the best solution is one of your primary contributions. Your tastes are varied and diverse. Exploration of new and better approaches keeps you interested.

You like to consider all the options. You use everything that is available to meet requirements. Acting foolishly or illogically is not a common experience for you. You can always see another way to put things together. You like to lead through presentation of intelligent alternatives. You are able to see the ways things are, and you know what to do about it.

Your third level Builder Capacity Set gives you the ability to respond appropriately to a broad spectrum of situations.
Your Builder capacities are strong enough to bring balance into your life. Learning to shift your strategy to this capacity set in times of high opportunity or during conflicts will contribute significantly to your success.
You are practical and willing to face the truth. You pride yourself in knowing what to do. You are driven to get things done. People around you know that you are generally on task. You are strongly self-motivated. You like to set things in motion. You make up your mind quickly and intuitively.

You want the things you do to make a tangible difference. You like to put things and people to work. Knowing the cost and the gain for all actions is important to you. You like to work and you admire others who work. You are not afraid to bring things to an end; When you’re done, you’re done. It is important for you to show good results for invested energy. People work harder and more things happen when you set the pace.

There are few situations in which you feel inadequate. You use your power, physical and personal, to get what you want.

Your fourth level Merchant Capacity Set gives you the opportunity to live a balanced and successful life.
You do not rely significantly on Merchant capacities to create success.
Your commitment to others and to your own life is an encouragement to others. Motivating others with your visions and ideas is very satisfying. Talking with others is your way to learn and to teach. You like a new charge in your life and you like to be the charge in the lives of others. You enjoy lots of different people and activities. Charm and enthusiasm are part of your arsenal for success. Being acknowledged as a friend is important to you.

Share your knowledge and information with others; You enjoy it and others appreciate it. You are good at getting others to work for and with you. A core strategy for you is to work effectively with others. You have a natural enthusiasm and like to be in situations that are fully engaging and energized. You want to receive good rewards and appreciation for time and energy spent. You like to have a good sense of connection between what you are doing today and what you see in your future. It is important for you to see people and things as they really are.

Your Personal Core Capacities IndexTM Scores

Builder Merchant Innovator Banker
16 14 20 22

The balance of your CCI scores describes a unique strategy you naturally have for both success and conflict. It is not possible to act in alignment with more than one capacity set at a time. Most people routinely switch between their dominant and secondary strategies unconsciously. Learning to be conscious about this switch between Core Capacity strategies provides greater social dexterity and leads to greater success. Learning to switch to the strategies driven by your Tertiary and Minor Capacity sets can create dramatic improvements in your life.
Your Personal Core Capacities IndexTM Type Scores
While the Core Capacity scores are important, an additional level of insight can be gained by considering how the Core Capacities work in combination with each other. These combinations are called Core Capacities Types. The Core Capacities Type scoring system is based upon a scale in each of six categories that ranges from 0 to 72. The score in each category indicates a relative strength of that Core Capacity Type compared to the other Types. Your Core Capacities Type scores are:

Intuitive Cognitive Creative Practical Community Independent
30 42 34 38 36 36

The Core Capacities Type scores are derived from a unique combination of two of the Core Capacities. Typically, a person will find themselves described mostly in the dominant/secondary Core Capacities Type, but some of the qualities will be found in the other Types as well. Again, the balance of the scores is very important and has a compelling affect on how you will engage tasks in your day-to-day work.

The 25th year to be exact. Well, not for another few hours anyway (I was born at 11:13 am). Everyone always says that it doesn’t feel any different, being a different age. I think it does. I had some major goals planned for when I became 25, and the only one I have done is finishing school. So today I’m a bit down, especially since I was the only person who remembered it. Hrmph. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one that wants to be showered with gifts, or paid special attention to, but it’s nice to have people in your life that care and say, “Hey, Here’s to another year knowing you.” I’m sure they’ll come later in the day, once people wake up, read my RSS feed, and freak out…

Thursday was rough. I’m not going to get into it, but my looming halfway-to-fifty birthday coming up, missing my mom, and being tired really affected me.

Friday Sandro came over and we went to the mall for lunch, then walked around looking at things. We stopped by the T-Mobile store so I can play with my new toy which is coming soon. We went grocery shopping and I’m not sure why, but when I can get a bunch of stuff for not a lot of money I love it. Adidas antiperspirant was two 2-packs for $5. I also picked up a pint of Arrogant Bastard to try, which was very good. Danielle, my new roommate cooked dinner consisting of steak, pasta salad, salad, green beans, and vegetable dips which hit the spot. And my other roommate’s cute hot younger brother spent the night.

Today I didn’t do much. I woke up after dreaming about my new Blackberry, and being the true knob that I am I’ve already downloaded a bunch of themes and programs for it. I may sell my Wing to my roommate, who is a complete texting whore. Sandro and I picked up my grandmother and drove her to my new place to show her how close I actually am…for some reason she thought that just because I moved to the next county that I was far enough away that it’s a helluva drive to see her. Then we took her grocery shopping. Sandro was very affectionate in the store today. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t bother me at all, and I actually liked it. It just stood out to me. Once we got back to my place he left and I took a nap, then woke up and went to Aaron’s house to watch COPS. His boyfriend and I recently met and after a rough start but ended up hitting it off pretty good. I came home after dinking around there for a while and am now enjoying a pint of Young’s Double Chocolate Stout, with solid plans to work out tomorrow!

By the way, my roommate’s little brother is asleep on the floor in the living room right next to the sliding glass door, and he just kicked it which scared me.

I’m very self-critical: I have expressed this on my blog in the past, either proactively or through my natural writings. Some of you that have talked to me, and all of my friends, know how self-critical I am, but that I balance it with confidence. The main issues I find myself harping on myself for are my weight and fitness, my finances, and my place in life (largely because of my finances).

I’m tall, he’s short: Some of you noticed this from photos of us, but I’m 6’4’’, 200 (-ish) pounds, and Sandro is 5’3’’ and 135. This makes for some interesting looks at us when we’re in public together because I look older than I am, and he looks young enough to be in high school.

I’m an organized chaotic: Everything in my life is organized. For instance, I have a calendar with due dates and amounts for all my bills, I constantly check them online, I have a to-do list on my desk at all times (I recently converted from a notepad to a small dry-erase board), and I set tasks for myself each weekend and constantly monitor them. I do have an issue with procrastinating though, including responding to blog posts and comments. I also have issues with actually completing the tasks instead of staring at them on my list.

I only own one firearm: My pride and joy, a Springfield XD .45 ACP. Classic black, tactical rail standard, 1911 style grip safety and angle, no external hammer (it has a firing pin indicator on the back to show that’s it’s cocked), and a chambered round indicator (a small nub which sticks up on the top of the slide to let you know there’s a round in the pipe). I originally was planning to buy a Glock 22 (.40) but a friend let me shoot his XD and I fell in love with it. I prefer Hydrashok rounds, in case you were wondering. I have been promised a one year anniversary firearm though…hmmm, what to get? (No Adam, an AR-15 is out of the question.)

I love doing nothing: My week usually kicks the crap out of me. You’d think driving around for ten hours is easy, but it’s not. I think the fatigue is more mental because I juggle driving, anticipating others’ driving, radio, cell phone, Nextel, MDT, and am constantly having to be aware of what’s going on around me and my vehicle. By the time I get home my brain is fried. On my weekend, I love sitting around and watching TV, spending time with Sandro, and find it hard to respond to e-mails/blog comments and post comments to others’ blogs because of how much time I spend looking at a computer screen during my week.

Well here it is. The end of 2007. I look back and so many things have happened this year, both good and “bad.” I thought about making a list to blog but decided it’s best to keep it personal. No offence, fools!

I hope everyone has a safe New Year celebration. Please, people, please…use common sense when you’re out. There’s going to be a lot of crazy drivers and crazy people out, so don’t be one of them. And be safe!

Well the move didn’t go quite as planned, but it still went. A buddy helped me out with most of the furniture on Friday night, then I went back a few more times for smaller stuff. I finally got to bed around 5am after unpacking, then at 8am the next day I went back at it. I made a few trips to the old house, got my old car towed away, and finished clearing what was mine out of there. On the way back to the new place I looked around and saw that it was Saturday night, everyone was heading out, and all that was on my mind was getting the eff home, unloading, showering, and going to bed. I finally crawled into bed around 9pm, and now that I’ve had a chance to slow down, I really miss Sandro. He’s been in Cancun since the 22nd and with all of the packing, moving, and unpacking I really hadn’t had a big chance to stop and miss him.

Just as a side note, it’s amazing how much storage room my car has when you fold the back seats down.

At around 3am my roommate Danielle comes in the room and wakes me up, evidently because a group of people are fighting outside. About five people are yelling and pushing about fifteen feet away from our window in the parking lot. I’m no Superman at this hour, so I call the lovely agency that enforces this area:

Me: “I need to know if you’ve received calls about a fight in the parking lot of [address], [apartment name].”

Dispatcher: “Stand by…no we have not.”

Me: “Near building D-David in the Northwest area of the property, five that I can see, three male, two female, two vehicles, one female is yelling to ‘get off her,’ and one male is hitting another male. No visible weapons or injuries, a big yes on HBD, been going on for about five minutes.”

Dispatcher: “Where on the property are they?”

Me: “Northwest area near building D-David, two vehicles parked out front.”

Dispatcher: “And how many of them are there?”

Me through gritting teeth: “Five that I can see, three males, two females.”

(one of the cars leave)

Me: “One of the cars have left and it’s quieted down now, but a few more are still near the other car. Could I get your guys to do a quick area check?”

Dispatcher: “If they’ve left what exactly would you like them to check for?”

[pause]

Me:”What?”

Dispatcher:”What do you want us to check for?”

Me: “Anything related to the fight I just reported? A stab victim on the grass? People on foot? I thought an area check was to check an area to see what you can find since you never 100% know what is going on. If you’d like I can do it myself and call you back.”

Dispatcher: “I have two deputies enroute.” [click]

I have to say, through personal experience, I have never been impressed with my interactions with this agency. I know, I know, each agency has their weak links, and generally a department is a group of pretty cool and professional folks with a few asses mixed in here and there. Out of the twenty-odd members of this agency I have met, only three have been even professional to me, and only one of those two courteous.

This is one of those post-graduation conundrums. As a part of self-reflecting, one must think about the time they’ve invested in something and the return they have gotten–or likely will get–from it. Do miss school? Oh, hell no. Am I glad I did it? I am, but it wasn’t solidified until about ten minutes ago when I received a fairly nondescript package by UPS.