Jake v. Mother Nature
I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Mother Nature has taken a huge, fat, white dump on the Northwest. Due to this, and subsequent actions which have followed, my patrol car received extensive damage from a vehicle collision, my Scion’s rear trunk handle broke off because it was frozen shut when I tried to open it, my parking lot has five foot snow drifts in between and around cars, I spent an hour shoveling before my shift to get my loaner patrol car out, then another hour during my shift after getting stuck. My walking to the store in the snow for an hour to get Sandro snacks and being saturated up to my knees–yes we have multiple feet of your shit on the ground–will also be mentioned.
Because of this, and the feeling of utter dread and anxiety I now have when I see snow, I am suing you for…………
One Billion Dollars!
I won’t be the only one either. The two bus fulls of people who slid off the overpass to dangle over the freeway, the man who went for a walk and fell, you burying him and killing him, and the countless others who have been adversely affected will follow. This, and the 60 MPH winds in some areas, has been deemed unacceptable.
You’re such a bitch.
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