Jake’s Life

Of course your name isn’t really Steve. I just wanted to let you know that it’s no mystery who you really are. Of course, and you know, that I would narrow your e-mails and comments down to one of two people: Faggy Bo-Jangles the Gay T-Rex (because you walk with your forearms firmly pointed forward yet your wrists cocked at a 45-degree angle toward the ground…ferocious!), or The Little Stick Of Dynamite Who Couldn’t (because you never actually seem to be able to do anything, and you tried to kill yourself and the six Tylenol PM washed down with Kool-Aid didn’t quite cut it…good-bye cruel world!).

“You can’t prove anything.”

Well, maybe not on my own I can’t. What I can prove is that I’ve received text messages which included death threats from a local cell number (Sprint/Nextel, I believe, but when my friend runs the account information at work I’ll know), e-mail threats (from specific IP addresses), and even though comments left on a web site aren’t “harassing,” they are from the same person and will be taken into account, except the text messages, who are from The Little Stick Of Dynamite Who Couldn’t’s friend.

“What sort of tirade are you going off on? Geez, I need some chap stick while I swipe at my nose a few times and clear my throat uncontrollably…”

How is it going to look having a no contact order against you? A harassment charge? Won’t that make work a bit uncomfortable? How are meetings going to be when you have an invisible 500 foot boundary? Will you be able to hear the person speaking? Will your schedule have to accommodate that? Or will they just get rid of you because it’s too much work, and would also look like they are allowing harassment to occur?

“Uh…[insert almost-middle-age gay giggles here].”

I know you can’t live off of just the little Island Rat’s pay. But then again you have so much training under your belt, so many certifications, and you are capable of so much more.