Jake’s Life

Aliens vs. Predator: Redo Requiem

Definitely looks like it has more gore, but it also looks more teeny.

So I ended up not having to work tonight. I talked to my Sergeant (who I could hear on the phone was restraining his temper at some current things going on) who ended up not needing me tonight, so I enjoyed the rest of the time with Sandro. I took him home yesterday afternoon and when I got home I got ready for a nap (with the help of Yellow Tail). I try to get back into my work schedule the night before my Monday, which is likely your Sunday. Anyway, I fell asleep around 5pm and woke up at midnight. I then did what I do every time I just wake up…I grabbed my Pocket PC and checked Google Reader.

Jay posted something today which referenced an earlier post of a hookup he had, with an included recommendation to read it. Being the weak-minded fool I am just waking up, I fell for it. It was definitely not the kind of post he usually writes (although I will be guilty of that by the end of this post as well), but oddly helped me understand a few things about myself.

After reading the post about his hookup I decided to check out all of his posts about sex. Reading through them I saw a lot of things that I felt when I first moved into my own place (which translates into the opportunity to be nasty on a regular basis). He mentions fear a lot, but fear of disease and infection. He also questioned himself that when he is older and looks back will a fear of sex be all he remembers?

I’ll be honest, it’s about 3am right now, so these thoughts came to me waking up about three hours ago, so I’m going to try to convey the epiphany as well as I can.

When I was newly on my own (semi…more to come on that) I had me some sex. I’ll be honest, I was 18 and horny. Working as a manager at an adult store was great for me at the time, but both of these factors led me to some realizations. One, sex is great but only at certain times, and with certain people. The gay community emphasizes sex so much, and I’ve always had issues with this. Along with sex comes the looks, another emphasis. While I did have the first, I don’t consider myself as having the second. While I think I’m handsome, cute, I’ve never considered myself hot or something to lust over. I’m not coming down on myself, just exhibiting the self-awareness I have.

Anyway, Jay questions his fears and feelings on sex:

There’s also an element of guilt for some reason. But what exactly would I be guilty of?
If I’m horny and single, why can’t I every once in a while?
Especially given the protection currently available?

I understand the guilt part. Even in a relationship I used to have that churning feeling in the pit of my stomach afterwards, and that was with someone I had been dating for almost a year. Looking back I chalked it up to my insecurity in my own looks. I’ve been with some hot guys, guys that I never thought I could be with sexually, gay and straight, and I see that as either I am more attractive than I think or that they were the few guys who can actually see past looks.

I guess my fear was that if I were to engross myself in the sexual activity like my peers (peers meaning other gay males my age) that I would somehow end up like them and inflict upon others what I had felt from them. Being one who views sex like roses (cheesy, I know, but if you give them to everyone how special are they when you give them to someone you’re in love with?), I also feared that I would come to view sex as just the physical aspect of love. Many go around saying that it’s physical, we’re humans, it’s in our nature. I think that’s true, but I also believe that what separates us from animals is that we can reason and see past baseline physical urges. After all, most crimes are based on physical or material human urges.

Jay’s post helped me understand some more things about my own viewpoints, which are largely based on my understanding of others. I’m one who enjoys learning from others’ mistakes (I know that may sound heartless, but it’s really not), and not to say that anyone in particular is making those mistakes, just in general. That’s why I like reality TV. LOL.

I love Wordpress. When I first started blogging in 2003 I used Greymatter, then it died. Then I used Mambo (two installations, one for my blog, the other for freelance web design I was doing), then that died. Ever since I have been using Wordpress things have gone fairly smoothly (unless you count that time my web host tried to upgrade their databases and found out that all of the backups were corrupted…that was fun).

Lately, and I hadn’t noticed it until recently, the “Previous” and “Next” page links at the bottom weren’t showing in any browsers except on my Windows Mobile device (using the WP-PDA plugin). Once I realized it I was fairly annoyed because I usually like to read back in blogs I find and others have not been able to easily do this on my site. I started at the Wordpress forums and read through a bunch of posts before finding that the Adhesive plugin interferes with them. Now that I disabled that plugin it’s fine.

I also modified the single post template to include a links to the next and previous posts.

I’ve been thinking of changing the theme for the last few days and wanted input. Do we like the lighter theme or should I switch back to something darker? Is the general layout okay? Respond bitches!

Well, it looks like I’ll be working Saturday night again. Don’t get me wrong, I like the busier nights, but I wish I had more notice.

Thursday I stayed up after getting off work and went to fetch Sandro. We went to lunch at Claim Jumper then came home so I could get some sleep.

After waking up I ordered us pizza and we watched some TV, before he had to wrestle me awake and drag me to bed from the couch. Today we woke up and went to Thai Tom’s for lunch and were literally a foot away from the searing two foot tall flames. After that I cooled it with some pear bubble tea.

After lunch we picked up Gammy and took her grocery shopping, which of course Sandro takes business calls during. We pick up some pasta for dinner tonight and some other things I can’t live without (soda, fruit, and ice ream). Then we take her home and put her groceries away.

I gave myself a haircut on Wednesday before work, if I haven’t mentioned it yet.

We went to Blockbuster to grab a movie to have with dinner and I was surprised at the amount of homo movies on the “New Releases” shelves.

Yeah, lots.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my life story post which has been in the works for a long time now. I’ve scribbled, typed, and started different types of entries. I decided to section it out and have three so far. I’m also trying to make it so that what I post is either engaging and/or would be relevant to others’ lives, or at the very least give you guys somewhat of a clue who I am and maybe why I am who I am. If you could keep up with that.

http://www.timesleader.com/news/20070822_22gibbon_ed_ART.html

  Friday I was tired. I worked Thursday night to cover for someone’s anniversary, so it wasn’t a big deal. But man was I tired. The things I do for love…

I picked Sandro up and for some reason we drove to the park two blocks from where he lives. He forgot his BlackBerry at home so we considered going back. For the moment we just enjoyed the park though. After deciding that he’d be fine without it we came down here and went shopping for his stepfather’s birthday gift at the mall. Just before walking in the mall my grandmother called me and asked me to take her to Target which was two blocks from where she lives and directly across the street from the mall we were at–even the side we were on. We walked to her apartment and in two blocks walking time she wasn’t home.

We went back towards the mall and found her on the corner waiting for us, not sure why. So we walked her through Target ad then back home before continuing the birthday gift shopping. After getting his stepfather his gift we ate, then went back to my house, where I soon passed out for a few hours. When I woke up we had pizza, snuggled while watching The First 48, then went to sleep.

The next morning we went to Krispy Kreme where I was awestruck by the cute donut seller, then I dropped him off at home. I came back here and washed my car, got it shiny, did the wheels and tires, and vacuumed the inside. My friend came over a few hours later (evidently watching Jerry McGuire was a time-sensitive issue) and we went to Red Robin for lunch. His cat shits a lot so we went to pick up cat litter and came out to find my freshly cleaned car being rained on. Sonnuvabitch!

All in all my weekend helped me forget about work bullshit even though I only had two days off this week. Here’s some photos, all taken with my Wing.

If you are crazy for tags then check out Litepost. From the Litepost web site:

Instead of burying the user in features they’ll never use, the Litepost webmail experience is simple and straightforward. Nothing in the interface is out of place, nor is any detail too small. Using webmail is suddenly a quick and intuitive workflow, rather than a chore. Browse, sort, read, manage, and send with ease.

I’ve added two new blogs to the blogroll, Paint the Blog Orange and A Boy’s Life…in Utah. Paint the Blog Orange seems decent enough in the fact that it’s not like he is a descending human being who will eventually and hopefully see reality one day, and is his (correct me if I’m wrong) third blog. So far I’ve read back and seem to like his stuff. A Boy’s Life… is an eighteen year old who is…well, eighteen. The typical fanfare is involved: He’s cute, wears cute underwear, and came out not too long ago so we can all imagine what goes through his head (or not for that matter).

I’ve also been keeping tabs on another few blogs lately. It’s no secret that I like criminal justice related items, and no secret I like porn. So why not mix them together? Harlow & Joe…on Trial and A Murder is Announced are blogs which are following the Harlow Cuadra/Joseph Kerekes trial for the murder of Bryan Kocis, the owner of Cobra Video (of Brent Corrigan fame). I really wish that this incident was turned into an episode of The First 48, bu am sure it will make some crime show some day, just hopefully not with reenactments and horrible narration.

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This guy is too used to trickin’ for his stash. Someone calling me papi that many times would drive me crazy.