Jake’s Life

Whew. It’s hot out. It’s been in the 80’s lately. Not coincidentally it’s been in the 90’s inside my body armor. Not cozy, but if you have any hot dogs it’ll only take 10 minutes to cook it.

Pride was the other day in Seattle, ad as usual, I didn’t go. A lot of people have asked me why I don’t go, and it’s something I think about this time of year. On one hand it leads me to feel down on myself; I don’t feel I fit in with what the bulk of the gay community seems to want of its members. I don’t have the body, I don’t have the huge circle of friends that have slept with each other at various points in time, I don’t go out to clubs, or parties, I don’t do drugs, I don’t have lax morals. I also notice strengths in that though, that I’m different from the rest, that I have my direction, I have my goals, and I’m working to achieve them.

I guess that my main gripe is that I’m single. I know, I know, I’m only 23. There’s plenty of time for that stuff later. Blah blah blah. No disrespect, but I think this may be one of those things that makes more sense looking back on. Self confidence in this area is also a problem that I see. I’m confident in my work, I know I do a good job, I’m confident in my schooling (as in I work hard and get good grades), and I’m confident that I have a lot to offer people, both as a friend and as something more. I know there has to be others out there like me: not completely hot that everyone wants them, but with substance and depth that offers more than introductory drooling.

Hopefully I’ll be going to the range soon, clear my head.